You can find anything on the internet. Anything. My linesister, specifically my FRONT, sent me this: www.MyMonthlyCycles.com. Yes boys and girls, you can track your period on the net. I’m wondering what the heck she Googled to get this.
And Sweetback sent me this giggle-worthy piece: http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/blinddateparody.wmv
Yes, as in Nino Brown (NB) from New Jack City. The reason I spelled it that way is because I know for a fact there is a child roaming the streets of DC whose name is Kneeno. Sheesh, what’s wrong with people? But this post isn’t about ghetto names. After all, who would I be to talk about anyone’s name.
Let’s talk about drug dealers. That’s right, the Nino Brown’s of the world. Now usually, I would ignore that my past has been peppered with more than it’s rightful share of NB’s. But this isn’t about them. Recently my girl (L) dated this guy. One of her frociates set her up with this guy. He seemed cool. Seemed like he had himself together. An important point to highlight is that I am from Detroit. My girl lives in Detroit. Detroit is the Harvard of Husslin’. Offering Ph.D. in such widely respected areas as Pimpin’, Sack Chasin’, and Rollin’ (colloquialismsfor drug dealing).
By now, you’re wondering, “Didn’t she post this on her old site?” Sure did but I really had nothing for you guys today. The last couple of weeks have been rough and I forecast the next few will be too. And coming up with great topics isn’t at the top of my Things To Do list. Maybe tomarrow I’ll have something new and better.
Everything was gravy. L’s new friend (NF) was a lot of fun–even though as time went on, she didn’t like him as a boyfriend/husband, but more as a frociate. They had a great time together. Whenever they went places, he was treated like a celebrity. It was close to camera’s flashing. Even the elderly they encountered seemed ultra respectful of him.
NF talked about how their lives together would be. They talked about how much she owed on her car, home, etc. Even went so far as to discuss whose home they’d sell when, yes I say WHEN, they married. NF suggested they take trips to the south, buy land, and/or have a home in the southern region. Lastly, he made a special effort to bond with her young daughter.
About a month or so into the “relationship” L started having dreams. Dreams about her and her small child being watched and on the run. Even though the NF was featured in the dream, she didn’t quickly connect the dots. More time went on and L decided, due to the guys wacktasticity, that she would move him into the frociate zone.
Fast forward to last week. L speaks to the frociate who initially hooked her up with the NF. Frociate tells her NF is indeed a big time drug dealer. Why would a frociate hook her up with a drug dealer. She’s a degreed, hard-working single mother. All of her life is on the up and up. Anyway, the dreams she was having was just her subconscious telling her to get away from NF.
Fast forward to today. L called to tell me that she’d looked NF up. Google? No. Offendersearch.com!!!! Every state has one!! Check your mate out. Sure enough, he was there. NF had told her about an incident in Mexico. He presented it to her like it was something that happened a long-long time ago–maybe in his mispent youth. But what L found out about NF was that he was a recent release. That’s right boys and girls, he had just gotten out of jail this summer. And. He would be on probation until the end of 2005. No mention of anything in Mexico.
All this got me to thinking. Men in our age range who sell drugs are probably the lucky ones who haven’t gone to jail or been killed. Which means, they’ve probably put in more years in the game and have risen as a result. What am I getting at? If we meet a cat who is a drug dealer, he’s not your average corner selling guy. He’s probably got a couple of businesses to cover his income. He probably looks like he’s on the up and up. And he could probably pretend to be on the up and up with most college educated women, not from places like New York, Chicago, and Detroit. Because we know what to look out for. Even if we don’t see it, we feel it–which is why L was having those dreams.
For the rest of the women, they probably have not a clue what to look for or what it feels like. So this is where the pedagogue in me takes over…
Lesson One: Serious drug dealers often are known(a la Ray Edmonds, Butch Jones, Nino Brown, etc). People want to be their friend. They want to be on their good side. You will feel like you’re walking down a red carpet every time you go out. When you go to the barber shop with him, the car wash, the club, eating etc. You are a star. Most women are fooled by this alone because being with this man makes them feel extra special.
Lesson Two: Serious drug dealers have no regard for your work schedule. They will often offer to supplement your income if it means you will be at their disposal. To the untrained eye, they appear helpful. They do not have anywhere to be in the morning. They do not work. They may own business(es) but they never do much related to them. Hell, they may even have an office, stationery, business cards, etc. But they never actually do anything. Not only do they expect you to miss work for them, they expect you to always drop everything for them. No telephone. No friends. No family.
Lesson Three: Serious drug dealers will take on all of your financial responsibilities. Then they will ask you to do a gateway task. What’s a gateway task? The drug dealer will ask you to do something small. Maybe get a cell phone for him in your name. Maybe ask you to switch cars. Now, a dumb chick will go for this. And once she does, he knows he’s got her. He changes her lifestyle and she become in debt to him. At least mentally. Plus, by the time she knows what’s going on, she’s in too deep and everything is already in her name. He goes from asking her to perform the gateway task to having her put everything he purchases in her name.
Lesson Four: Serious drug dealers like taking trips. In fact, they are a lot of fun. Depending on the level at which he’s functioning, I mean if he’s a true Boss Type N*gga, your first trips will be ‘down south’ to either check on or purchase another home. This will be his hide away spot. You will drive. Serious drug dealers don’t like to fly unless they are leaving the country.
Lesson Five: Serious drug dealers almost always frequent certain spots. For example, they get their car detailed at the known drug dealer car detailing spot. When they roll up–and they will take you with them, everyone will stop what they are doing to deal with his car. They get their hair cut at a known drug den. And they will take you with them. Ya see, their fellow dealers own these establishments. Gotta support your own–right??
Lesson Six: Serious drug dealers do not have baby momma drama. Why? Because either she’s afraid to show her ass or has no reason to–because when the money is right, she’s happy.
Lesson Seven: Contrary to popular belief, serious drug dealers are not flashy. Yes, they may own multiple cars, fancy cars. But nothing someone with a regular job couldn’t afford. They also live in rather modest homes. But the thing is, they may have several of them that they do not rent out. See Lesson Four.
Lesson Eight: Serious drug dealers, if they are the BOSS, and if they really like you, they will not be late. At first. That is, until they have you where they want you. Why? Because people operate on their time, not the other way around. He will arrive for dates on time, if not early. All making him appear to be the perfect gentleman.
Lesson Nine: Serious drug dealers, who have either been to jail or were themselves raised by drug dealers, are neat freaks. Anal to a fault. They expect everything to be clean and perfect at all times. Why? That’s the way things are in jail. And if they were raised by and/or around other drug dealers, the neatness seed was planted in them as a tot.
Lesson Ten: Serious drug dealers gamble. When I say gamble, I mean thousands at a time. This is why they love Detroit, Vegas, and Atlantic City so much. They will drop thousands down. But they will win thousands too. You will rarely catch a serious drug dealers shooting craps. They have elevated way beyond those sophomoric games.
Lesson Eleven: Serious drug dealers usually carry a gun. But they do not carry drugs–ever. In fact, most of them don’t even do drugs. No cocaine. No weed. No drinking. And some won’t even take cold medication.
Lesson Twelve: Serious drug dealers give you that uneasy “feeling” while making special effort to make you relax. They are a lot of fun but just below the surface, you know something isn’t right. Even if you’ve never been exposed to this lifestyle before, something just doesn’t feel right. Pay attention to it.
