Cold?? Heartless??

Occasionally I do or say some stuff that leaves me wondering: Damn! Am I THAT foul?? Here’s how it went down.

Mom: Well you know S tried to kill herself.

K: *pause, sigh* Naw she didn’t.

Mom: Yeah she did.

K: Oh please. If she tried to kill herself, she’d be dead. She just wants some attention.

Mom: Well ___ and ___ were at the hospital all night and…

K: You know I can’t get all up in arms about this.

Mom: *shocked into silence*

K: I mean this is typical S behavior. She’s been doing stupid stuff and eventually it would lead to this.

Now look, before you go scheduling me for an all expenses paid trip to hell, I need to let you in on some things. S is horrible. She waited later in life to completely show her ass. The rich list of her post 40 (years old) accomplishments include, but are not limited to: 1) Getting involved with a man whose real name she didn’t know. Just some jail house name. 2) Losing her job and home. 3) Abandoning her kids with a relative. 4)Committing criminal acts. It’s just her luck the judge felt sorry for her…Being a first time offender and all.

I have compassion for a lot of folks. I even have a relative in jail who I’ve stayed in constant contact with for 12 years!! Writing, speaking on the phone (he calls me…none of that collect call business). Mind you, I’ve never visited because the thought of me being inside a Federal Corrections Institute scares me. Not to mention I image the walls to be dingy and the entire place smell like pot-likkuh.

What’s pot-likkuh? Oh come on! Do I have to tell y’all everything? I’ve only heard the term used to describe the liquid greens, collard greens make when they are cooked. But I’m guessing it can be used to describe any stinkin’-ass liquid a vegetable produces as it cooks.

So don’t say I have no compassion. But back to S and her alleged suicide attempt. Word is that she said she’s a disappointment to her family, her kids, and herself and she doesn’t want to live. Yo won’t hear me argue that she’s not a huge disappointment. But…Doesn’t that sound like some soap opera shyt? Like she might have been sitting on her unemployed ass watching All My Children, heard a character say it and adopted it as her own. Well she’s right. She’s a huge disappointment. I wrote her off three years ago. And unless she appeals to the family for help in getting her life on track, she will continue to NOT exist in my world.

I’m not one of those people who says stuff like, “I don’t have time for her foolishness.” You know what?? I have plenty of time. But I choose not to waste it on her. My mother and Manfriend think I’m cold and heartless. But let me tell you, I choose not to let other people’s histrionics move me. S is a drama queen. As I told my mother, IF S wanted to kill herself, she’s be dead!!! Simple as that. She’s a smart woman. She just realized we’d all written her off, gone on with our lives, and her ass didn’t like that! What-the-dusty-f*ck-evuh!!! I keep telling my mother that the focus should be on the kids S abandoned. One is going off to college in a few weeks and the other is in high school. All the energy and effort used to discuss the situation S has gotten herself into and chooses to remain in, that energy should be used focusing on her kids!

And before someone gets their panties in a bunch over my ‘flip’ attitude about S’s ’suicide’ I understand it’s a serious issue. Afterall, I do have a fancy degree in the area that covers suicidal people. But in this case, where I know the star of the show, this is some bullshyt!!!

Another thing…Why is it that when my mother calls me and she’s all up in arms over something, she expects me to be as up in arms or care at all? I know she carried me. But damn, I came out quick. Didn’t put her through much labor. I don’t believe I owe it to her to meet her “Oh my gawd, I can’t belive it!” with a heartfelt, “My word! Clutch the pearls!! I can’t believe it either!!!!!”

Based on the small amount of evidence I have placed before you, in this situation, do you find me to be completely foul? Or cold and heartless??