I apologize for being all relationshippy lately. But dammit. There’s just some shyt I feel I’m duty bound to say. Plus, I’m under my weekly Heaven points quota.
Friday, I had the pleasure of hanging out with a couple of fellas. N and C. We were sitting at C’s house, drinking, shooting the shyt. When I first got there it was just C and I. I noticed he had that book on his coffee table…Which shouldn’t be called a coffee table but an al-k’hol table because that’s what it usually supports. But the book? Oh it was He’s Just Not Into You. I thumbed through it. It only said everything I’ve said here before. It only said what is common sense. It only said the very shyt it took me about 28 years to figure out. It only said what I may have said on some of your comments sections. Bottom line: If a man wants you, he will come the fug after you. No excuses!
I’ll let the ladies toss that around their empty heads for a moment.
But C and I were talking and we started dicussing examples. I, being as duty bound (I do love saying that. You will read it here often. Duty bound.) to my audience as I am, want to share. I’m telling the women these things not because I want them to stop playing themselves by the dozens. Cus for real, I’ve been trying to stop them for ages and dammit if the post 30 crowd still insists on being du-du-dumb-dumb. I’m saying this for the men. I’m saying these things so that my frociates never again have to utter, “If more women would read and internalize what’s in that book, my life would be so much easier.” I’m saying this so dudes can’t think I’m putting all the fault on them. So C, and other single frociates, this is for you. Ladies first. But men, I have some words for you too. Here goes.
Women, screwing a man and hanging out with him does not mean you are dating. It’s doesn’t mean you’re on the cusp of establishing a relationship. All it means is that y’all screw and hang out. Hanging out is not dating. As an example, I think I’ve hung out with 95% of my frociates, one-on-one. Most times they pay. Is that a date? Hell to the muh-fuggin-naw!!!! And no matter what craziness you make up in your head because your hanging out and screwing has moved from once a week to twice, y’all still aren’t dating. Cus so soon as he finds a chick he wants to date, he will date her. And her and you are not one in the same.
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If you are screwing a man that you are not dating and that man hits on other women in front of you, in plane view, he’s not checking for you. If that man later that evening tries to screw you, not only is he not really checking for you, he has no respect for you. Further, if he is not your date to events you both must attend, y’all aren’t dating nor will you ever. So then, the coach of your brother’s team (who doesn’t ask you to the athletic banquet where he knows you will both be in attendence) is really not checking for you.
My very favorite, something I’ve tried to drill into the heads of everyone, if you are a secret, you are not dating. You’re screwing and hanging out. With the exception of work, if a man is proud to be associated with you, he will be associated with you during day-light hours, around your friends and his!!! He won’t be keeping you on the low “cus people would be all in your business.” That there, is some old Devil logic! (I’ve been trying to write a good entry to sum up my time as one of the Devil’s bed buddies. But I can’t quite sum it up neatly. But I’m trying!) If, for example, your social circles cross, people know you’re screwing. People might could be making jokes behind your back and even to your face.
The saddest thing you broads are doing is getting knocked up to keep ties with a man. Da hell is wrong with you people?? I need to get a government grant to research how many babies are concieved post break-up. Ya see, sex after breaking up still means you’re broken up. Sex after you’re 100% sure he doesn’t ever want a relationship with you is still just that. Stop getting knocked up to trap the man. In some rare instances, the man does try to ‘do the right thing’ and marry the woman. And then, he gets a backbone. Women have been trying this tactic for-evuh. In previous generations, it was somewhat successful because of the societal pressures on a man to marry his baby momma. Well guess what cuties, those pressures don’t exist nowadays. Nowadays, you’re playing yourselves more than evuh. If you must screw him after you know he doesn’t want you, please, for the love of all things good and right, take a pill every single morning!!! Just cus you’re an idiot doesn’t mean you should bring a baby into your idiocy.
Now onto the men. Don’t think for a minute you are off the hook. Men, read and take notes if you need to. I want to feel sorry for you. I want to beleive you’ve been honest with these women and told then you want no parts of them. Gosh, I sure want to believe you’re as upstanding in your dealings with women as you are in your dealings with friends and frociates. *hangs head* But the truth is, you have not come out and said, “Sweetie, I’m not checking for you now, nor will I ever.” Nor have you said, to borrow from the book of BMoreK, “This right here, what we’re doing now, this is as good as it’s ever going to get between you and I.” If you haven’t said those things, used no uncertain terms, you are puppet-mastering these women ensuring they not be able to get a tight grip around the truth.
Men, stop screwing these women. Stop having unprotected sex with them. Matter-fact, stop having unprotected sex with anyone. Stop keeping them on the back-burner. Just because they are “open” over you, it doesn’t give you a pass to take advantage. Stop calling them to come screw you when you have nobody in particular you want. Rub one out alone…Cus I know you’re capable. Stop hanging out with them. Stop seeing them at all–which is pretty easy to do unless they are in your direct social circle or work with you–and that’s a post in and of itself. Stop contributing to the madness. Ya see, not only do women need to internalize the hints you give, you need to stop adding fuel to the fire.
I’ve heard the arguement that you aren’t forcing these women to be available. So that might be true. However, you are knowingly taking advantage of them. And that is wrong any way you look at it.
It’s like this *bad analogy alert*, when we were little kids, we’d push envelops. We’d see what we could get away with. If we saw candy or a toy we wanted, even if our parents said we couldn’t indulge until we “insert chore or activity here“, we’d sneak and indulge. But as adults, even when we have the opportunity to steal a piece of unattended candy, we don’t. Or at least we shouldn’t. Grown folks don’t because availability doesn’t give us the right to partake. In short, boys steal, men don’t. As adults, we pretty much know what it means to do the right thing. (Big ups to Spike Lee!) A frociate on the cusp of 30 asked if I had any 30 year old advice. Simply stated, I told him that he should strive to be a better man than he was the day before. And I beg of you all, if you are currently leading a woman on, taking advantage of her emotional state, stop it. You’ll be abetter man for it. I mean unless you want to continue being an asshole. That’s your choice.
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