Total Request Notsolive

One of my brilliant commenters demanded asked that I write about why I believe men and women can not be friends. Some people (read, ‘Beloved’) have a lot of nerve rolling up in here asking for shyt her way a la Burger King!!! I’m not completely anti-giving the people what they want. I went to the old page to find the original thing I’d written. Couldn’t find it. Life would have been easier if I could find it. Oh well. I had nothing pressing for today so here goes…

Men and woman can not be friends. Let me adjust that…99% of the time, men and women can not be ‘just friends’. In interactions with two hetero people of the opposite sex, at various points in the ‘friendship’ one person will want more. Because of this, the two can not interact without those waffling feelings affecting their relationship.

Let’s say a woman is having issues in her well established relationship. Hell, let’s say she’s married. If she’s telling her male friend where her husband falls short, it’s not long before the male friend wonders, “Why’s she even with him? Someone else would treat her better. Hell, I’d treat her better.” Bam. Then he starts to give advice that manipulates her. I don’t know if it’s conscious or not, but he does it. Even if they never talk about their relationships, feeling still develop. One day it could be the man. Another day it could be the woman. And don’t let them both be single. Either way, one person will always be interested in having more with the other. True friendships can not exist where one person is seeking to gain more from the interaction than the other.

OK. So what about ugly friends of the opposite sex? Even if there is no real physical attraction, it takes one or two drunken or super relaxed moments to go from Friendship Zone to Bone Zone. And what amazes me is that people will say, “There’s no way I’d screw friend name here.” Y’all know what? My dad once said, when I told him a guy was my friend and that the guy said there was no way he’d ever mess with me, “Bull. How many times did he say that in one conversation? Three times? He was convincing himself that he didn’t want to. He’s not your friend.” I was young and didn’t believe. But sure enough, the old man was right. So people, stop expressing disinterest a lot (three times). You really do start to sound like you’re trying to trick yourselves. I’ve had a guy I’ve known since I was ten tell this to me as well. “Don’t get it wrong. We love y’all like sisters. We all do. But don’t think we wouldn’t all hit if we thought we could.”

What about if you’ve tried dating and decide you’re better off as friends? WWKD?? Men and women who have dated can not be friends. See paragraph two. Further, when people do play that game immediately after no longer dating, it’s a recipe for disaster. Because someone’s still holding on. Someone’s using ‘friendship’ as a crutch to get threm through the rough times and/or hoping that the friendship keeps the other person from moving on. Do I have interactions with ex’s?? Not on anything close to a regular basis. One dude and I might say three sentences to each other over IM ever few months. Another tried to be my friend and we have been ‘cool’ for a few years. But all the while I know we weren’t friends. Any others? Eh. F*ck em!! Feed em beans!!!

So then what does one call their non-sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex? I’m glad you asked. When I first wrote about this topic (and as I write I realize this isn’t even nearly as developed as I’d meant for it to be), I posed the question: What do we call these relationships. One of the bloggers came up with a suitable term. Should I give him credit? Humh…Nerp. Don’t want anyone googling him and coming to my page. Cus y’all know his fan are an focused bunch. The term is FROCIATE. It’s the simple combination of friend and associate. Friend + Associate - Ass = Frociate Never mind that I didn’t account for the -iend of friend. You get the point.

Forciates come with a whole set of rules. The first being, ‘Thou shall not think that this person consistently thinks of me as a blood relative.’ Also, in any relationship, there are going to be issues. This frociation is nothing different. Don’t expect less manipulation because they are of an opposite sex and you aren’t screwing them. Don’t think they can’t develop some strange obsession and expect you to ‘belong’ to them.

So, uhm, Beloved, this is all I could come up with! Satisfied? *eyeroll*