First I’d like to thank those who got undone over A’s comments. Y’all are funny. I’d also like to thank the people who kept checking back to see if I was posting. And I wanna send a rap-style shout out to the folks who e-mailed or commented asking about how the new job is going. Fine!! Just getting settled and today’s the first day I could get online. And no, I couldn’t do it from home because MCI is run my arse-wipes and for about 18 hours I had a message on my phone that said “At the owner’s request, 301-___-___ has been temporarily disconnected.” While they were crazy appologetic, I still haven’t been able to get my account credited.
A couple days ago, one of my road dawgs told me a story. Granted, my girl is in another state so maybe it’s not as dangerous to have sex all willy-nilly out there. But here, in the test tube that is inside the Beltway, not being selective can kill you. Hell, even being selective can kill ya. The story basically went like this. Carla and Anthony used to screw. They were going to be at a wedding together. Anthony started calling her the week before the wedding asking if they can hook up after the wedding.
To make a long story short, when Carla gets to the wedding, Anthony is with a date. Anthony gets away from date, rolls to Carla and puts $100 bill in her bra. As the evening ends, Anthony’s date goes home. Anthony and Carla end up at a hotel. And I’m not mad at him. He paid good money for the pusseau!!! And in this case, Carla was a straight hoe. Not that anything is wrong with it. So long as she was a careful hoe. Carla got mad because she was treated like a hoe. How? We’ll get to that in a minute.How does one advertise and/or accept payment but then get mad when the treatment matches their industry??
But what I am mad at, what burns my toast, melts my ice, and floods my basement is that somewhere during the act, Anthony takes off the condom and skeet-skeet-skeets all up in Carla. Now fellas, after a certain age, let’s say 25, don’t you know that a woman who screws anyone is the last one you want to be in unprotected?? Carla was all upset and kept saying how pissed she was. At who?? At herself for allowing this?? At herself for being a $100 piece of ass?? (I don’t know the going rate for ass nowadays, but it has to be more than $100.) At him for knowing she is the type he could do this to?? For knowing he was a low-to-the-ground piece of trash but you still laid up with him??
This situation inspired me to post about the Velvet Rope. You ever notice how everyone wants to get in the club, or section of the club, with the velvet rope?? Ever notice how people will stand in an orderly line to get past that rope?? They will call in favors just to get their names on the VIP list. Ever notice that adding a velvet rope, or extra level of security, to anything makes people want it?? Ever notice that once security becomes relaxed and they start letting people with jeans and Tims in, the quality of the club drops?? This is because people like to feel special. People like to be in the in-crowd. I don’t know if this is nature or nurture. But I know it exists.
Stay with me on this.
So then why is it that broads don’t treat their pussea like an exclusive club?? I love sex as much, shoot, probably more than a lot of people. However, this doesn’t mean that I’ve swung open the gates and invited every man who winks my way into my League of Extraordinary Men!!!!! Do I think they won’t go elsewhere if they can’t get admission into my club?? Heckie naw. Let them go tear someone else’s club up. I pay too much in insurance to have some motley crew of surly men make my premiums rise!!! Plus, I value my property.
Why do certain clubs go from three layers of velvet ropery to allowing Ray-Ray in?? Money!! They are greedy and want to make more loot. Why do a lot of women have no pusseau admission standards, I’m really starting to think that pusseau is all they have. They think this is their only way to get the attention of men. I’m starting to think that many of these women, deep down, just crave male attention. And instead of saying, “Look, I’m trying to get it any way I can.” they claim they just love sex so much that they need to screw ever Bob, Dick, and Shaft!! If that’s the phase you are in, for the love of decresed HIV rates, use protection and stab any man who takes it off!!!
What’s with men slipping condoms off all CIA-esque?? Why don’t men have any firm sperm distribution standards?? Usually their standards aren’t too high. If she’s willing, most men will do her–even if it has to be kept on the hush. I’ve said I think men should know better by 25. I still stand by that. Not only that, but I think some men just are dumb. So in case you’re having trouble rationalizing why you should be stingy with your sperm, wear protection, and/or turn down the pusseau or not pursue the pusseau of a woman who’s like a door-knob (everyone gets a turn), lemme ’splain it for you as simply as I can. Why are you selective about the places you go, the car you drive, and the broads you let meet your family?? Because you have standards!!! Why don’t those standards always translate into who you lay unprotected with?? Because you take the easy route. But you have to know that a gazzillion men before you have taken that same route and skeet-skeet-skeeted all up and through that same road. And you know just how filthy your brethern are. Is easy pusseau worth dying for??
If death isn’t enough, would you want your children, especailly your daughters, raised by easy pusseau?? Would you want to have to deal with the person connected to that easy pusseau for a minimum of 18 years?? Think about your pockets and the heartbreak you will feel when your five year old daughter visits for the weekend and decided to drop it like it’s hot in front of all of your friends. Or when she sits and tells 50-leven stories about all her of her uncles who come and spend the night in mommy’s room.
In closing, I’d like to ask everyone to rush out at lunch time and get a couple things. First, get a velvet rope. If you can’t find one, a red string will due for now. Tie it around you mid-section. Keep it there as a reminder. Train yourself to be selective. Also, on that same shopping trip, stop by a store and pick up some condoms. Sure they cost a lot. But think of this as an investment.
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