Dollars on Dimes

I like y’all. I really do. But I’ve been busy lately. So this recycling and half-ass entry thing will have to work for now. I went into the archives, of the old site, and found this gem. If this is brand-new to some of you, you might want to go back and read The Upkeep and the corresponding comments.

Today I want to talk a bit about something that was a spin-off topic in the comments from a previous post. The amount of money men spend. Much like with the whole skin color thing, I’ve floated through life not really bothering to think about how dating works for other people. I’ve been dating for a while. Been in several official relationships. Money has never been an issue. I’ve heard stories about women being on dates and the man asking her if she would be paying for her portion with cash or credit. But it has never happened to me. In fact, I’ve never had a conversation about who pays for what. Have I paid? Sure. But never when it was in the initial stages of dating. Nor have I ever felt like I was expected to. Further, there have been times where I did pick up the bill and my man looked at me like I’d grabbed him by the penis with Edward Scissorhand’s sharp hands.

I’m starting to really understand that it doesn’t work like this for everyone though. Yes, this is where you shake your head and call me naive. I’ll take that. For my entire dating career, I thought women were getting treated shabbily (Jonelle, 2005) by men because the men were just trifling!!! And that was the only reason. But maybe the man is treating a woman this way because he has judged her as a 7 and he doesn’t give 10 treatment to 7’s. And were he to find himself with the opportunity to date a ‘dime’ he would rise to the occasion, based solely on his rating of her looks and not how she carried herself or anything! I’m not so stupid as to think looks have nothing to do with the quality of pursuit. But in my mind, I’d rationalized that if a man is a 7 and he dates a female 7, he treats her the same way a 10 man would were he dating a 10 woman. So then there would be many cases where the 7 women get dime treatment. Maybe I’m wrong though.

Based on what the fellas said in my comments (for the Up Keep post), it’s not so simple. It seems like the men don’t really rate themselves. Men with high self-esteem think they should get the ‘dime’ so long as they are willing to do what they think it takes to get her. And men are willing. But they never explain exactly how, or under what circumstance the ‘regular’ (currently undefined) women could get treated like ‘dimes’. There has to be a way! Do the ‘regular’ ones every even have a chance?

So now, I will cheat a bit and actually post some of the comments I received in the Up Keep post. Why? Because they are an entry that damn near writes itself and because they seemed to be an honest explanation of why some men treat some women a certain way. And it also seems like a few of the men are saying the very things that women try to convince themselves isn’t the truth: How a woman looks has a lot to do with how much money a man spends on her in the initial stages.

E said:
There is a radio host in California his name is tom leykis. Big ugly nasty looking mofo but he has looked at the dating scene in fast pace cali and come to the conclusion that. Women who are attractive 9’s and 10’s can afford to be pushy and selective on what they want. Most women want the nicer things. Most men want nicer things. A woman’s beauty is a major asset because it is desirable to a man. Because it is a symbol of status it’s all a revolving circle. Women who are not as attractive can opt to not settle for less than whatever it is their expectation. As I can opt to only date women who look like Eva Longoria ( love that woman). Thing about it though, that just slims my odds of being with a woman. I am not saying settle I am just saying if you want to be the 6 or the 7 talking about you only date rich doctors…. be prepared to spend alot of saturday nights alone.

Dr. Strangejazz said:
We ain’t talking about respect and admiration. We talking basic economics.

Here are some broad generalizations.

If a man is with what is considered a dime then he is more open to spending a certain amount of money. Because it is expected of him. But if a man is dating someone who is not a dime he’s going to respect her and whatnot but don’t expect him to spend the same amount on a dime.

Example: If a man is taking a woman out that is a dime he’s going to drop $300 over the course of that night. If a man is dating a woman who is average (I’m NOT GOING TO DEFINE WHAT AVERAGE IS) he’s going to spend maybe half of that ($150)

This ain’t about respect. This is about $$$
A Woman no matter how independent they consider themselves wants SECURITY. So all that spending a man does when he first gets to know a woman is his way of saying LOOK I CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU. Men are taught this early in life, it is only later on that we are UNTAUGHT this. And that’s when we discover we have to do other things to get her attention (ex. Be nice, listen more, etc.)

Then BC said:

The money a man spends in these situations isn’t about the woman. It’s about his perception of himself and his ability to provide. The woman is an innocent bystander, a pro bono beneificiary, if you will. She is replaceable and just fits the mold for the perception that the man is trying to show the world. It’s all about what the money and the woman on his arm tell the world about him.

Secondly, it is true that certain men care only about themselves…. and these are the men who will spend more money on a woman for no other reason than she’s fine.

Then BmoreK said:
A lot of times a mans pursuit and/or expenditures on such women who are considered dimes is all about HIM. Its his self image and ego at stake. These are the kinds of women he sees himself with, so he’s willing to do certain things, put up with certain things, pursue a different way for longer periods etc. I once told you Kajuana that in my experiences, the prettier the woman, the more likely she was crazier than a MTF. But you know what, put me down for two cups of crazy-extra SPLENDA.

So basically, the dudes are saying, if you aren’t the hot-ness, you might as well resign yourself to a life of chain restaurants and dutch dates?! I’m trying not to believe that. But as I look around, this is exactly what is going on. Right before my freaking eyes!!!! This can’t be right! It can’t be this simple!!! Because if it is, my whole positive outlook and all the stuff I’ve been telling my “friends” who are treated shabbily, is a load of crap. If what my male commenters are saying is true, I can no long say and believe, “When the right one finds you, he will treat you like a queen.” What I should be saying is, “When a man gives up on getting a ‘dime’ he will settle on having you and you need to just be happy.”

For original comments, click here.