Chris Gaines Greatest Hits

I’m listening to my Chris Gaines Greatest Hits CD (Garth Brooks’ alter ego). I brought it from home thinking listening to it would give me some blog inspiration. This CD was my shyt. So much so that I would put it away every so often so that I didn’t get tired of it. As I listen to it now, I keep hoping each song will give me inspiration. Maybe a line I never focused on before. Alas, I’m almost to the last song and I have nothing.

I have no new topic. Nothing to ramble on about. Sorry. Thank you for playing. Try again next week. If you must read something, I’ve re-posted something from the archives below.

From the Archives: Platinum Yak

Over the years, I’ve been told by numerous men that Platinum Yak doesn’t exist. New Yak, however, has been mistaken for Platinum Yak by those not used to ‘being with’ the same yak for any extended period of time. Do I need to dumb it down for y’all? OK. New Yak usually is good. Cus people just like new shyt. If you spend your time going from yak to yak you never get used to any yak. But were a man to stick with the same yak he labeled as Platinum Yak, in a few months, Platinum Yak would turn into Ordinary Yak.

Don’t tell this to women. Especially not the women who think they are walking around with a diamond encrusted platinum jewel box betwixt their thighs. And it makes me wonder if these broads have been Pit-Stop Yak. You know, the yak that doesn’t get consistently sampled by the same customer. I’m really trying to keep this clean and not be confusing. How am I doing? Broads always wanna brag how they “put it on” some man. And men talk about how so-and-so’s yak is the bomb. As a woman, I know watching re-runs of Dukes of Hazzard is way better than being with a man who brags about his ’skills’. And I wonder if this is the case with women who brag about their Platinum Yak. What’s the name of that movie where that one cop in that Eddie Murphy movie was willing to leave his wife and kids for Sunshine’s Platinum Yak.

Let’s talk about the basics of yak. What is yak? Yak? Humh. Well let’s see. It’s a receptacle of sorts. Uh, tightness is a factor. Moisture is also a factor. Are size, depth, chubbiness also factors? Help me out here. And does it just stop there? I mean, yak is but one body part. And I realize I’m being mad liberal with my deeming yak a body part. But so what! See the thing is, sex is also about the stuff that goes on outside of that one region. I’ve never actually been a man but allow me to speculate. If the term Platinum Yak refers only to that region, yak could have the perfect tightness, moisture, etc. ratio but if it’s owner just lays there, that’s no fun. Right?? So technically, the yak can be on point but the sex be bad…Very, very, bad. Right??

So I ask, does Platinum Yak really exist. Or is it a myth. Like, the perfect mate? Like sugar substitutes that really taste like sugar and have no side affects? Like unicorns–although I did go to a circus once where the main attraction was a unicorn?