I have a couple frociates who call upon me for my lady opinion. Last night one called with some really-really ridiculous shyt. Some little girl, cus I do believe she’s 12, is tryna run game on him. I’m offended. First, her game is so lower case ‘g’. Second, with it being so weak, I take it as an insult to his intellect…And by forced extention, an insult of my intelligence.
Why is it that when people lie, especially in relationships (committed or not) they don’t match their lies to their opponents experience and common sense?? Back when I was still having dealings with the Devil…I keep saying for you to remind me to tell that story but nobody has so whatever…Several of my friends saw him around with this one chick. Well, when I confronted him about it…Remember, I was younger and dumber than I am now. Cus y’all know a present day Kajuana would be like, “F*ck you and the horse you road in on!…He told me, get ready to laugh, “Those people aren’t your friends because they wouldn’t tell you stuff that might hurt you.”
Da f*ck?? Have you ever heard such utter lunacy?? Naw, go ahead and be stunned. That had to be the most stupid shyt I had, in my 21 years, ever heard. It was so stupid that I think I chuckled a bit. But then I got mad. Mad because he didn’t think I was smart enough to call bullshyt just that: BULLSHYT!! As you can probably tell, his piss-poor cover-up lies were a huge problem.
When I lie, IF I lie, which I rarely do because I’m pretty damned good at it and I choose to use my talents for good, not bad. I choose to use my talents to get out of speeding tickets. Speaking of speeding tickets…Years back, I got pulled over on BW Parkway. Ladies, when I tell you the officer was fine, please believe he was. He was so fine that instead of me coming up with an excuse as he walked from his poilice cruiser to my car, I was too busy admiring him in all his hot-sexxxy glory. Oh hell yes, he was THAT fine. Snapped back to reality when he got to my window…FUCK!!! I couldn’t get a ticket. I wouldn’t get a ticket. Think!! I looked down at my lap, thought about pushing out some tears. And just as he stepped to the side of my car, I had an idea. I had on a bone colored pants suit. Do you know where I’m going with this?? I told this fine man that I had a feminine issue and I had to speed hope to change my pants, etc. Needless to say, Kajuana escaped that ticket.
But right now, I want to talk about one particular situation for which so many of the most half-assed lies are told. GOING OUT OF TOWN. Some of you are planning to go out of town right now. You’re telling someone you date a lie about where you’re going, who you’re going with, and/or how long you’ll be gone. Because I care, let me him you to the two things I think gets people caught the most. Work and socializing. If you tell a significant other that your ass is gone out of town and will return on Monday, please let your co-workers know. Cus if someone calls your office, the work people are quick to say, “He stepped out for lunch.” And if you happen to be at work when you should be out of town, just don’t answer your work phone. How the hell can you be out of town and still answer your work phone?? The second way people get caught is by not being able to stay their asses in the house or at unpopular places. If you are supposed to be up in NYC visiting your sick granny, nursing her through her third battle with breast cancer, how the hell are you sitting in plain view eatting a steak down at Charlie Palmer’s?? Hello, there’s a new thing called camera phones. And if your significant other doesn’t see you, someone else will.
Maybe it is true that we’re only as smart as we have to be…As smart as the people we deal with. When it comes to lying, no matter how much you plan, you can never cover all of your bases. Especially if you’re lying to a smart person. The best you’re going to do is cover 96% of all the possibilites. Yes, I’ve done the research and math to get this percentage! But, if you must lie, always tell your best lie. Look at who you’re lying to. And if you think you ‘got it like that’ and don’t need to put some extra thought into your lie, then you probably do.
Oh and for you regular readers who let my post sit all dayum day with an imprpoerly spelled title, fugg-ewe!!! Y’all know how busy I’ve been at work!!! Y’all could have hit me on IM or something!! Dayum!!! I bet their are typos in today’s entry too. But I’m too busy to edit. So there!!!
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