It’s no secret, I used to have another more personal blog. And from time to time, I steal entries form there. But that’s not really important. When I was writing that blog, I made a huge self discovery. It really wasn’t the men I was dating, it was me. That’s right boys and girls. It was me…Shall I explain?
I was a commitment phobe. Much like those housewives on Oprah who think drugs is an inner-city problem and their $100 a day coke habit doesn’t make them an addict because they aren’t doing blow jobs to pay for the high, I thought only men could be commitment phobes (CP). Holy run-on sentence Batman! Oh how wrong I was.
I was that b*tch who would say, behind closed doors, that I was one half of a couple. But never admit it in the streets. Or, I would pick men who I knew didn’t want commitment. To top it all off, I’d complain about it. Not because I really wanted the commitment, but more so because complaining that they weren’t acting right was all the rage. Tres en vogue. But the truth of the matter was that I wanted no parts of this thing they called ‘commitment’.
Commitment, for me, back then, cus this broad right here sure has evolved since then, translated into OBLIGATION. If there’s one thing true about us only children (I am one in the psychological sense), we don’t like obligation. We don’t like to have to do shyt. It’s enough that we maintain jobs and pay bills. So to add to that having to always consider a mate is just too much. Used to make me sick–literally.
The first thing a CP does is choose people who s/he knows won’t ever work out. Then we tell this person that the commitment is exactly what we want. Except, it is only lip service. The truth is that CP’s only want to be bothered when they want to be bothered. On their time. This is their world. Everyone else is just a squirrel…You know the rest.
Once in a while a CP stumbles upon someone who they misjudge. Someone who actually wants the commitment. If the pursuer of commitment is smart enough, s/he will corner the CP. When this happens the CP has a two basic options. Run or buy time. Run! Usually, if the CP realizes the plan of his/her mate early enough, s/he will sabotage the whole thing or just run.
Buying time. I think this is my personal favorite. And no, I won’t list all the techniques. But I will share with you the phrase that is guaranteed to buy you a minimum of two additional months in Dateland Lane, far away from moving on to Relationship Heights. You ready? “I’ve been hurt.” I’d love to take credit for this but it came to me from my boy Bmore K.
If you are dealing with a person who really likes you, they will give you this two months–minimum. Two months (or more) for you to bask in the summer sun. Two months (or more) to not feel the strangling pull of obligation. Two months (or more) of complete selfishness. I’m getting misty just thinking about it. But. If you are dealing with someone who knows this game, you have not a chance. You might as well clear out all the numbers in your cell because you will wind yourself up smack dab in the middle of a freaking relationship before you know it. Sometimes, you might even regretfully find yourself happy, settling in to the idea that you are, in fact, in a relationship. And in the worse cases, you will find yourself locked up tight until death parts you two. Or at least that’s what I heard happens.
Damn! So what’s the point of this post? Women can be CP’s too. Further, we women need to start really looking inward when too many of our relationships go down the same road.
No comments:
Post a Comment