Licking Tears

Boy oh boy!! The things people tell you…I once had a guy tell me that he almost raped someone. Almost?? How the hell do you almost rape someone? She got away?? You didn’t catch a charge?? He said he almost raped someone. I heard, “Let me test you and see how you respond to this almost thing…I’m a rapist…Which should explain a lot…” This was one of those situations where the man was being way-way-can’t-string-enough -ways-together to explain, dishonest in his intentions. This was the one statement that got me officially on the path to recovery. Everytime I would think to fall back into the familiar pattern that was him, I’d hear him saying that he almost raped someone.

But this isn’t about relationships! This is about what’s really going on in the community. With the kids. Years prior to this man and his ‘almost’ crap, I remember a man, the same man who read me the Ribbed for Her Pleassure story, told me he couldn’t be sure if he was molested or not. However, he did recall crying and his sitter licking the tears from his face. Da hell??Why do people tell me this stuff?? Sure, in the most technical sense, I’m trained to listen to other folks’ problems. And dammit if even people who don’t know this still gravitate to me to unload.

When I was teaching, I actually had a student whose confidential records contained a document which essentially said he was not to be alone with another child. This included gym, bathroom, everything else. Why? Because he was molested by his mother and had molested his own younger sister.

In high school, I went to a Sweet 16 party when I was in the 10th or 11th grade. And during the father-daughter dance, the father, having had a few drinks (cus we could smell him) kissed his daughter!!! And by kissed, I mean open mouth, I’m taking you to bed right now!! I sat there wondering if everyone else saw it. But nobody said a thing. I’d been to their home before. She and her grandmother slept on the top floor. Her parents in the basement. Didn’t think much about it then but after the kiss, I just assumed her mother thought if she put some physical distance between her daughter and her husband, things would be OK. By the way, just because a girl is molested when she’s fully devloped, it doesn’t lessen the offense.

*leaps onto soap box* Oh and all you mofo’s who watched and enjoyed the Aruh Kelly footage, you watched child porn and you should be ashamed of yourselves. *stepping off soapbox*

When I was in fourth grade, a friend got her period…Or at least that’s what we thought. Her mother took her to the doctor, thinking it odd that a 8-9 started her cycle. Come to find out, she was being molested. And you know what her mother did?? Gathered her three daughters up, boarded a bus, left her husband (who’d done the molestation), and went back home to her mother. Sure it was a year or so later, but she did eventually leave. So then, some mothers do decide that their child is worth more than the husband/molester.

These instances are outside of what most people think of when they think of molestation. These were women molesting boys and a boy molesting another child. Not some man molesting a strange girl. Not some dirty old uncle. Not some gay guy getting his rocks off from a boy. How the hell is it that people think gays want children?? How’d the gays get such a bad rap? And, isn’t it a common belief that molestation is done in secrecy? That Sweet 16 party was no secret!!

Anywho, all of this came to mind because a friend of mine told me her brother said her child was behaving like someone have “messed with her”. To which my friend, someone I’ve known forever, a most logical woman, got mad at him for even suggesting such a thing. I sat on the phone and tried to ask some probing questions. Tried to!! But she just refused to even acknowledge the possibility. What’s up with that?? Is that how mothers watch their kids being molested and do nothing to stop it??

Why is molestation yet another thing people choose to ignore? Do parents feel like they’ve failed if someone touches their child? Do fathers feel like their sons are going to be gay if they’ve been molested?? Or if the molestation is even acknowledged?? Do we just believe it only happens to girls? Or that so long as it’s not same sex, it’s not that big of a deal?? Or that it’s something kids get over?? Parent?? Don’t you all SAY if you found out someone was harming your child you’d do this, that, and the other? So then, why is it happening and so many of you are doing nothing about it??