I have a few things I’d like to say. Things I wanna get off my chest before we enter into the new year. Then will come the actual post. Yeah, this is gonna be long.
1. Wear your seatbelt. Even in the backseat. I know someone who died because she was thrown from the car. Again, wear your damn seatbelt.
2. Do not leave it up to me to share bad news. I suck. I was sorta tasked with sharing the death mentioned in #1. It was horrible. I left messages on folks’ phones. And when I did get in touch with people, it sorta went like this, “You know ____. Yeah. No not her. The one who graduated my year. But she was older. She’s, I men was 33. Took her a minute to get out of school…Yeah that one…She died last week. Funeral was yesterday…There were three in the car and she didn’t have her seatbelt on.” I don’t know how to ease into bad news.
3. Every Black man in America is not on the DL. Even in Atlanta. Sure Atlanta is the Black Gay Mecca. But even there it isn’t even fair to assume every dude you meet has a hankering for the meat, if you get my drift. Sometimes we think, “Gee this is a great guy. Am I sure he really wants me?” Even me, in all of my fabulousness, have felt this way a couple times. But it didn’t lead me to believe he was gay and trying to use me as a beard. Every man who uses a bedroom as a closet, not gay. Every man who decks his house with Christmas decorations, not gay. Festive, but not gay.
4. Manfriend is not some dude I’m consistently screwing. Wait, technically he is. But the reason I call him Manfriend is because boyfriend sounds so seventh grade. He’s awesome. Since he reads this, would it be too forward if I hinted around to Christmas gifts?? Not that I even have a clue as to what I want.
Onto the post…
I was listening to Russ Parr and ‘Nem on the radio. The people pole poll (Y’all just gonna let me spell poll all wrong?) question was about why men like to deal with assholes. One of the chicks said it’s because women think they are going to change the man into acting right. I buy that. But I think that only accounts for 50% of it. I’ve dealt with my share of asses. They never start out being that way. It always started out with them being the pursuer. I never felt like I was trying to train them into acting right. However, I would get caught up in wondering why, all of a sudden, they just decided to NOT act right. Took me some years to realize the only acting they were doing was when they were ‘acting right’. Their whole sales pitch was the act. The unsatisfactory way they were behaving was them just being themselves. This would account for the remaining 50%.
A guy called in and said that when he tried to get his act right on with one of the women he’d dogged out, she ended up cheating on him, etc. Now see, this is where I wish I could call in and speak my opinion. Not really. But, I can’t so I’ll share it here. I don’t think it’s possible to go from playing certain roles to playing others with the same characters on stage. For example, if a man dogs a woman out and then tries to ‘wife’ her, she won’t know how to act. She will think she won and get all cocky. And/or, she will never trust him because she knows exactly what he’s capable of. But, if a man wants to go from being an ass to being a stand-up guy, he would be better served to try ‘acting right’ from day one with a new woman.
Can a dog change his bark mid-stream? Yes, but only if he wants to. Not because some chick is trying to force him. Not because he wants to satify a woman or get a particular woman. Why? Because once he reaches his goal, what’s to stop him from going back to being the man he really is–an ass. If people want to change, they have to do it for self.
Back to topic. Women seem to believe they have to fight to get a man to treat them with respect. No. You. Don’t. If you set the standard from day one, and being respectful is even in this man’s vocabulary, he will either respect you or run for the hills. It’s not that hard. Stop buying into the idea that if a man comes at you respectful and honest, he’s a punk. No. The punks are the ones who maintain multiple relationships because they’re too afraid to be alone or their egos are so weak that they need to use woman for ego strokage. The punks are the ones who stand you up because they’re afraid to tell the truth. And you should steer clear of them.
I would have more to write but we’re having the pot-luck thingy at work and we need to make a store run before our 10 meeting. Talk among yourselves.
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