I’ll tell you up front, this is about to be gross. Gross, interesting, odd, and funny in a that-kid-just-fell-face-first-down-those-steps-but-didn’t-cry-until-his-punk-ass-mother-came-running-over kinda way. It’s so yucky that I don’t even want the words to be on the opening page. So what I’m going to do is type a bit and then have you click the MORE link. Now you know, once you click it, there’s no going back. Oh and in the meantime, pray for me.
Now look, some of y’all have done some freaky shyt. Some of y’all have done things y’all don’t even wanna tell your best friend. And you know what? I’m cool with that. It’s your business. Y’all know, though, I’ve never done any such thing. I’ve never even seen porn, let alone actually had sex. Now that that’s out of the way, I heard some shyt. Something that stunned me. And I’m not too stunned by what folks do in the privacy of their bedrooms. But this shyt made my eyes water like I had onion slices over them.
This chick met this dude. To make a long story short, on their first evening ‘in’ together, she provided him with ‘favors’. But there was no actual chex. Why? Because she was ‘dripping from the middle’ (DFM). And if you can’t figure out what ‘favors,’ ‘chex’ and ‘DFM’ are by the end of this post, you migh just be dumb, too dumb to procreate. Before their next night ‘in’, she told him she was DFM and he essentially said not to worry because he knew what he was doing. People have been know to have chex when the woman is bleeding from the middle. But understand something…
OMG, as I’m watching this, the Jade Don’t Walk Away video just came on video soul. Those broads look crazed. Crazed and uncomfortable in front of the camera. Thank goodness they didn’t last. Then again, they might be in Japan performing for BruthaCode. (I’m typing this Monday evening.)
Back to the yucktification–which IS a word but hasn’t been recognized by Webster and ‘Nem. I’m not talking about regular chex. This dude gave favors to a woman who was DFM. I’ll let you do the math on this while I heat up my food.
Yeah. You read it right. Favors + DFM = YUCK.
As I said before, people do some intersting stuff. But this shyt took the cake, poured a class of milk, and dug in with a big fork. There were so many layers to this onion. Uh, first, he barely knew her. Second, the taste of blood of any kind is gross. The thought makes my head hurt. Third, who would want to kiss him after knowing he as the munchies for the random drippy skut? Fourth, if I were in a situation where a man, especially a random dude, was trying to even go there, my only focus would be blocking his number. Fifth, a man with that on his chexual resume scares me. Sixth, if by some crazed circumstance I did allow such, I would never-evuh utter a word to a single soul–dead or alive. And, the only way I could imagine a dude being able to do that is if I were in a coma. I don’t plan to be in a coma anytime soon! Seventh, did I mention the taste of blood makes me ill? The idea of anyone else being OK with the taste of blood makes me uneasy. Even the drops you taste if you get some serious dental work done!!
On the flip side, I feel like I must meet this cat. I must come eye-to-eye with this dude. Just so I can give him the “Uh, you nasty” look. You know the one you used to give the pee-pee boy when you were little? And if you don’t know, you were probably the pee-pee boy!!
You might want to act like this is some new shyt. I know I sure did! But oh how wrong I was. As a matter of fact, Section 8 Mob wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Eh, I tried to find the song or the lyrics. It’s about having chex while a woman was DFM. If I recall, there was mention of removing sanitary items from her drippy area but only after she took some Midol. People! I don’t make this stuff up!! I couldn’t. But lucky for you all, I catelog odd shyt like this song and can half way recall it more than ten years later, all for your enjoyment. How do I even know about this song? I’m glad you asked. All I know is that one of the members is a distant cousin of one of my girls. Back in 92-ish, she came to visit DC and hooked up with his mom. To make a long sotry short, Section 8 Mob ended up doing a show in Detroit. And we went. And we got free CD’s tapes. See, it was so long ago, fools weren’t even pressing too many promotional CD’s.
Why am I sharing?? Shock value!! And because I have to live my life (or at least the next couple weeks) with this shyt clogging my short-term memory. Now, we can share this horror as a group. Don’t worry about how I know this. Just know the woman told me and about 15 other people. Maybe she was lying. Maybe she wasn’t. Either way, if I have to be grossed out, so do you. Thank you!
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