Not Like Ike and Tina

If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me, “How’d you get _____ to insert task here?” I’d be able to pay off my student loan in a heartbeat! I don’t believe you have to be anything other than who you are and you will gain in life. Further, I believe that everyone should always be striving to be their best, better than they were yesterday, without considering how they compare to anyone else. That being said, I also see the value is doing something different to get different results. But this doesn’t translate into pretending to be something you are not. Especially for temporary gains.

Wait!!! That Alicia Keys song just came on. And I ask you, logical reader, is Ike and Tina’s relationship one you’d like to emulate?? Da hell kinda shyt is that?? I don’t want a man to BEAT MY ASS!!! Someone needs to beat her ass for that! Speaking of couples, Nick and Jessica? Over. Bobby and Whitney? Still together. I’m just sayin’.

I’m not sure how people end up together. But one thing I do know is that tricking a person to believe you’re something you aren’t isn’t a good idea. One of my peeps thinks she’s convinced a guy she’s sorta prudish. But she’s done several things to let him know she’s hot in the pants. When they don’t ride off happily ever after, she can say it’s because he didn’t want a prude, or he didn’t want an easy lay. But she won’t know if he didn’t want her because she was never just herself. And even if she did try to be herself now, it’s confusing and she comes of as a psycho liar. Am I right??

I remember back when I was first dating Manfriend. There were a couple other suitors tryna apply for a corner office at the Kajuana Corporate Headquarters. One dude tried to get me to tell him what I liked. At first I wouldn’t. Just wanted to see what he was about. But then I got bored so I started telling him random things I was looking for in a mate. And with every characteristic I rattled off, he would, within a week, morph himself into having those characteristics. That was even more boring because he was willing to jump through hoops on my whim. I was left with the impression that he was too moldable. His file was shredded.

Another cat, not knowing if I was even worth it, tried to win the race by using shock and awe. Fellas, if you do not know a woman, try some casual first dating experiences. Don’t go mortgaging your home to pay for dates 1-5 when you don’t even know if she’s worthy of shock and awe. While I am worth it, he didn’t know that. He was trying to compete with other men. Trying to do things he thought other men hadn’t done. The end was a mess because he couldn’t understand how he could have done these things and still not made any progress.

I’m a firm believer in NotDating™ (if you want more info, Google it). Basically, I don’t believe in doing anything on date one that I won’t be willing to do a year from then. If I hate to dust, I won’t be dusting before you come to my house the first time. If you don’t iron your casual clothes, don’t even bother ironing them when we go out. Why? Because six months down the line, I’m going to be tricked into thinking you iron. Then when you show up with the US map creased in your shirt, I’ll be shocked. Naw, show me who you are day one.

This extends to personality traits too. If a person is comfortable with whom they really are, they can be themselves from day one. I’m always suspicious of people who have to go through CIA-esque methods to not be who they really are. And maybe that is who they are, a pretender. So for all you people out there trying to mold yourselves into what you think people want you to be, stop it. Spend more time working on being the best insert your name here.