Over the last couple days, there’s been a huge discussion on my eGroup. To sum it up, a woman told us a situation, said she needed to screw, screwed, got screwed, and has said she will continue to screw this dude. Now before y’all go calling her all sorts of stupid hoes, I know her and she’s not stupid. After damn near 200 e-mails, she moved beyond horniness as cause for her lapse in sound judgement. She listed all the things that she wanted a man for. All the things she was husband hunting for. What stuck me was that, of her long list, only a few things were chexual (I’m spelling it that way so my site doesn’t get blocked by your firewalls.)! Yet, it had been coming off like she was just some hot-in-the-twat broad looking for a good time from whatever dude would give it to her.
Hold up!! What should you be doing right now??
I was left with the feeling that underneath her saying her actions were chex driven, there was lonliness. Still not sure if this is exactly what’s going on with her. But still, I wondered how much loneliness plays a factor in us making questionable relationship decisions. Because up until this week, I thought stupidity and lack of experience were the biggest contributing factors. How can people who have friends ever feel loneyly? (I mean cus lonely people have no friends and hang out on the innanets. J/K)
Speaking from my experiences and observations, I was an only child for damn near 11 years. Therefore, I spent a lot of time alone. Entertaining my damn self. I could always depend on my family to support me but I still spent a lot of time alone. When I went to college, I got rid over EVERY SINGLE roomie I had, save my last one, J. For some reason I liked her and we’re still friends to this day. Again, aside from not running her out of the room, I was alone. I had friends, but I appreciated the time when I could just go in my room and be alone. Then after graduate school, I moved into my first apartment, alone. Again, I had a host of friends but I looked forward to going home to be alone. Never once, though did I feel lonely.
So you’re still going to ignore whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing and keep reading this?
After more than a few well thought out responses to the woman’s situation, I realized I can’t relate. I’ve done some dumb shyt in relationships. But never becuase I was lonely. Moreso because these were failed relationships I was still trying to hold on to. And when there was no Manfriend, I still never felt lonely or like I was in great need for male companionship. I never felt out of sorts at our events if I didn’t have a date. I never even really felt alone. Maybe because I spent so much time alone as a child then spent more adult time alone by choice. Maybe because I still had male companionship in the form of frociates. Some of these frociates are on our eGroup. I’ve spent time with each of them. Dinners, movies, just kicking it. In a purely frociate way. When I needed a Jay-Z to match my Beyonce Halloween costume, I knew I could call on one of them. On birthdays and holidays, I know I can tap into the frociate pool if I want to and vice versa. And up until this discussion started, I thought she had been doing this too.
Once I realized this, that on no real level could I relate to the place she was coming from, I shut up. Sure I could see how her choices could lead down an ugly road. But I can only give advice from the perspective of looking at the symptoms and not the cause. One one level it bothers me because there seems to be very little I can do to help her. Also, I’m bothered because I don’t know what causes feelings of loneliness. I mean she has friends. I really want her to have everything wonderful she deserves but I don’t know if I can help. And we all know, Kajuana is nothing if not helpful (sometimes, in the winter, when she has the purple sheets on her bed).
And I bet now you wanna comment! Uhm-humh. Don’t blame me when your ass gets fired for not doing whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.
No comments:
Post a Comment